Old Archie


Old Archie was a rag and bone man

Who cruised the streets all day

With Mabel his trusted friend and companion

Who pulled the four wheel dray

Which he had purloined from a brewery

Which had been closing down

A big old red brick building

That was on the edge of town

Now Mabel was twenty eight years old

A big old dapple grey

Who cost old Archie a fortune

In biscuits and in hay

But they has been together forever

Or so it really seemed

To Archie as he sat upon the seat

Occasionally falling asleep and dreamed

Rag and Bone he used to shout

As loud as loud could be

And people would come out and give

Old clothes and other goods for free

Sometimes around the posh areas

He would have to pay

And that would just set him off

 Moaning the rest of the day

For Archie was a tightwad

Money seemed to be welded in his pocket

He even had a few pound notes

Around his neck in an old locket

But it also contained a picture

Of his beloved flo

His wife for many a long year

The Lord decided had to go

So now it was only Mabel and him

Companions till the end

Working together all day long

Archie’s one true friend.

One day whilst out upon their round

Mabel caused a disgrace

Her tummy was not all it should be

She left manure all over the place

P C Smith came running

Stop he shouted loud and clear

Bur Archie being a little bit deaf

He really did not hear

The constable was now running fast

Gaining on the dray

But slipped upon some of Mabel’s mess

As Archie went on his merry way

He landed in a heap in the road

About twenty feet further adrift

Regaining his composure as best he could

Out came his notebook rather swift

I am arresting you he shouted

For causing this sorry mess

So let’s be having you matey

What’s your name and address

By now a crowd had gathered round

Complaining of police brutality

For picking on an old man and his horse

Only a rag and bone man you see

As P C Smith put away his notebook

Realising it was a waste of time

Mrs Jones came from up the road

A lady in her prime

Bucket and spade in hand

She started to scoop up the mess

It’s for my Roses she cried

Spilling some on her dress

Meantime old Archie and Mabel

Started off down the road

Having caused all chaos

His dray now with a full load

It had been just another day for Mabel and him

Who had seen it all, over the past twenty-eight years

A lifetime of hard work and laughter

Along with a few tears

So if you see them out when you’re passing

Just give them a wave and a cheer

Or even better still

Buy them a well earned beer 

A Teddy Bear


I am a big fat Teddy Bear

I sit upon the shelf

look down on all the other toys

my owner must have wealth


My ears are getting floppy

and my knees are rather worn

my coat is getting thinner

through all the wear and tear I’ve borne


Although it’s not surprising

as I’m over eighty years old

my foot feels as if it’s got gout

and I’m sure I’ve caught a cold


Now Johnny’s taking me off the shelf

I wonder what we will play today

will it be Cowboys and Indians?

that’s a game he likes to play


Sometimes we listen to music

all that pop noise hurts my head

thump, thump. thump all day long

I’m glad to go back to bed


But I like it best when he cuddles me

he’s only eight  years old, you know

we fall asleep together a lot

off to the land of nod we go


We have many thrilling adventures

always together, don’t you see?

I just think the world of him

and I know he will always be there for me


Growing Old


I’m a geriatric Hippy

A teenager all my life

It helps me through the daily grind

Amidst all the trouble and strife

My long hair now has disappeared

My bald head shines like a beacon light

With eyes so dim and bones that ache

Combined with teeth that come out at night

Arthritis affects my hands and legs

No bounding about for me

Walking upstairs to bed is such a chore

Even in daylight I cannot see

Sex is just a memory

That stares right back at me

No woman would be allured by my charm

More inclined to laugh you see

It’s a bugger getting old and frail

I’ve shrunk a foot I’m sure

No longer rich and famous

Just a non-entity and poor

My health is no longer as good as it was

Heavy breathing was once a sign of sexual activity

 Now it’s asthma and damaged lungs

No more passionate nights for me

So remember the joys of getting old

When the mirror shows you as you are

With wrinkles where there used to be a smile

Oh, how did we sink so far.